Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
