Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
