I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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