just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
