Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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