Are we in a gay sports bar?
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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