I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
