It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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