We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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