she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
