she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
