chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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