did you get engaged???
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
