im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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