the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
