he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
