we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
