So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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