she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
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