I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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