her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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