i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
