Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
