Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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