Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
