I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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