I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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