Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
