Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
