Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
