Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
