I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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