So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
