Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
People in love make me want to vomit
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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