I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
