He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
it was like eating out sand paper
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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