Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
