why didn't you poke me back
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
