so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
