We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
