thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
