Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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