I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
