a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
