Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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