i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
