Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i think i scared a bird with my dick
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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