gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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