420 ftw
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Everything about him screamed your future.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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