Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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