o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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