well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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