im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Houston, we have a blender
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
