Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
