so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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