the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
