Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize