I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Randomize
