I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize