Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
