I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
