i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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