i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
i dont even know how to be here
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize