Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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