I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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