And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
