Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
high people should be assigned attendants
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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