I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Randomize
