Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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