Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
