she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
