Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
