and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
