I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
