I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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