Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
as a side note pls kill me
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
