EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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