New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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