I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
