You can't special order awesome
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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