I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
where am i from again
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
