Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
