My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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