oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
