Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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