I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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