the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
This baby is an asshole
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
