You're so nebulous sometimes
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
