Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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