if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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