one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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