Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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