I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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