Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
